I am sorry for my Selfishness . . .

I am Sorry..

I didn't mean it to be this way.

It's not my intention to feel this way and I know I shouldn't. I don't hate you, I love you so much, more than I even love myself. You are my everything. and That's why I did everything you told me too.

Remember when I said I want to study in Language major but you (Insist) said  that i should go for Law Major, and I did.

You don't know that I didn't like Law major, I love language, and I didn't said it out loud because I didn't want to failure you. I want you to be proud of me and to love me more so that I did everything I could to fulfill your expectation of me.

I got my Bachelor faster than most of the student in college and you're so proud of me that time. It made me happy, too happy that I brag about my achievement.

I want to get my Master Degree in another country, but you said I should just go to my previous college and in Notary Public major and I did. I graduate (again) faster than some of our college student and THAT'S Makes you (and her) Happy too. and that's make me happy (again).

Now, in my 23th, I should find the suitable work for my future. I always joked about want to be a C.E.O's bride (even if that's true) but I didn't really mean that. You (again) Choose the 'suitable job' for me. Being a Notary -you said- is a suitable job for me, a girl.

I know and understand it well what you want for me. You want me to be 'secure' about my future, want me to enjoy my old days, want me to not thinking about anything else but my family when I reach that stage you called a marriage life. But I can't take it anymore.

I cried every time I think of you. Every time I think about my selfishness. Every night in my room I cried silently, regreting my selfishness. My selfishness of acting as a Good Daughter when I am not. Silently I did -sometime-blame you for every stress and frustration that I felt.

I am a sinner.
I shouldn't felt this way. I know you want only the best for me (and my future) but I couldn't help but blaming you for not listening to every wish (and dream) I have. Blaming you and crying regretting it later.

It's not your Fault, It's all my fault.

I should try harder to make you understand myself. Who I am.

I didn't want to take the Law Major, I should just said it louder and explain it more clear to you about that.

I want to study Languages, traditions of different country, Literature, Musics etc, I should just said that straight to you when we talked about my future.

It's not you, It's ME.

This who I am.

I am sorry that I didn't explain myself more to you.

I don't want you to fulfill all my selfish dreams.

I just want you to understand my dream, understand myself, understand ME.

I love you so much..

I don't want to fail you..

I don't want to make you disappointed of me..

I don't want to see sadness in your face..

You are my Everything..

I am sorry, because this time I'll selfishly did what you want me too..

Even if I didn't want to take the test for Notary Public Ethic Code, because you want me too, then I'll take it. I'll try (again) to be the ideal daughter you want me too.

I know maybe you want me to said my wish to you, but Forgive my selfishness (again) because I'll abandon my dreams this time. Everything. Just to achieve your dreams (for me).

I did everything for you..

Because you're my everything..

Daddy (and Mom)..

Lots of Love,

Your Daughter